of The Art of Changing
Where Love Abides
allegory is about Sorrow, who works her way through life looking
for love in all the wrong places, until she finally fnds what she
is looking for. In the process, Sorrow becomes Beloved in a joyous
transformation. If you have struggled with life and want to be inspired
you will love this book. It is easy to read and has an exciting
ending. People who read it have told the author they read it again
and buy copies for their friends. This book was a labor of love
for Susan. Of course it is autobiographical. Enjoy!
first book, Addiction to Love, was a clinical analysis
of love addiction. It looked at this painful disorder in all its
many forms. It described the various symptoms of codependency, and
it offered a step-by-step program of recovery. After
the book came out, many people asked me to tell my own personal
story about recovery from love addiction. I tried, but draft after
draft went into the waste basket -- too narcissistic, too clinical,
I came up with Where Love Abides--an allegory or parable
which is a combination of excerpts from my journal--stories I have
written over the years and the llessons I have learned on the road
to recovery. Picture a caterpillar reading a book to other caterpillars
while slowly changing into a butterfly. That is the essence of this
title of this book was "From the Bondage of Sorrow, the Captives
Dream Dreams." This title is very significant to me. My recovery
has been a journey out of the bondage of sorrow and
into the light. The bondage refers addiction. The sorrow is depression.
The light is self-awareness. And like all the other captives, I
dreamed dreams. These dreams were my hope. They kept me alive. And
many of them have come true.
book is also about finding, to my surprise, that my recovery from
my addiction is not just about getting the craving out of my system,
but being free to go off in search of my true, authentic self who
has been lost for many years. We lose ourselves for different reasons.
Alice Miller, in Drama of the Gifted Child, says we sacrifice
our real selves to please our mothers. Sometimes we lose ourselves
to obligation. We go to work at a dead-end job to pay our bills.
Women, before the feminist movement, were forced into domesticity
to be accepted as "real women." Today, women chase after
careers when they really want to be a housewife. How ironic is that?
All of this was true for me. But for whatever reason our false self
is born, addiction keeps us a slave to that lifestyle. We must be
free of our bondage to people, places and things before we can venture
out to find ourselves.
mention this because one of the overriding themes of this book is
looking for, and finding, our spiritual selves. But this is not
the alpha and omega of it all. The journey is just as important
as the goal. All the great sages say this. And it is on the journey
to find a Higher Power that we find a very important lesser power--ourselves--lesser
only by virtue of our relationship to God not to mankind. We are
each on equal footing with each other while we stand in God's light.
But it is this light that reveals who we really are. And we will
be so amazed. We only suspect who we really are. I set out to write
a journal for my children and ended up a published author. J. B.
Phillips says "Your God is Too Small." I say, "Your
dreams are too small."
is not to say that all our dreams come true. Many of mine have not
but, but I am living happily ever after. It is important to understand
that the journey to find ourselves, on the road to finding God,
is not about all of our childhood dreams coming true, it is about
finding the dreams that were hidden from us by low self esteem,
fear, anger, depression--all the things that led to our addiction
in the first place. Only God knows about these hidden dreams. This
is why Christians surrender to Christ, and 12-Steppers turn their
life and will over to the care of God. Only he knows what is best
for us and we must find him to find our true destiny.
final sub-text of this book is what Joseph Campbell calls "invisible"
hands," which come to your aid when you are ready to change.
My invisible hands came in various forms--willingness, intuition,
books, teachers, therapy, dreams, support groups, and God--each
and every one a miracle. And the help continues to come in a timely
fashion, even unto this day. This book is the story of these miracles--of
the grace that has touched my life--and what I did with that grace.
Lady, I had to write and tell you how your story, Where Love Abides,
has touched my heart and soul. I was mes-merized, and I could not
stop reading. My only sorrow was when it ended. What a beautiful,
heavenly mind you have! In reading your story, it is clear that
God has left His mark upon your mind and soul. I would encourage
you to share what God has lovingly given to you. Expound on this
and turn it into a book. It is too beautiful to remain unpublished.
God Bless You! (Deborah)
am a 38 year old male and I just finished reading your book Where
Love Abides. When I came upon it in the book store, by accident,
I read one paragraph at random and almost passed out right then.
It took every ounce of energy not to burst into tears right there.
That book is me. I m sure you have had many letters from people
about the book. I ve never written to someone like this before,
but I just had to thank you for writing something that has touched
me in a way I will be unable to adequately explain. I m going though
a lot of pain, confusion, etc. on my latest relationship failure
and this book has inspired me to persevere. (Steve)
This is by far the most life-changing book I've read. I felt as
though I was walking along with Susan throughout the entire book;
so much applied to my own life. It's not a book merely to grace
your book shelf, but one to have by your bedside, or easy chair,
to allow frequent reference and support. It's not an ordinary self-help
book or parable, but one of extraordinary insight, embracing life
and spirit. I'd recommend Where Love Abides to everyone--young
and old--male or female, whether they are simply looking for more
happiness, and fulfillment, or their despair is so great they feel
a hole within their heart allowing their very life-force washing
away. It is a must read. I would definitely recommend it to my friends.